Sunday, 3 May 2015

52 Weeks of Gratitude Challenge | May 3, 2015

2. Spouse or Significant Other

I was going to skip this week because at this time in my life I am very single. However, I realised every relationship I have had I have learned a lesson that I am grateful for. My first serious boyfriend was in grade 9 (I won't say any names just in case ha). We were together for two years; I really did think I was going to marry him someday. After about a year and a half of dating I found out he had been cheating on me. Whenever he would leave my house in the city and make the 30 minute drive out to his house off the highway, he would stop off at a girls house and they would do whatever it is that they would do (we all know what they did). Despite finding this out, I stayed with him. We were together another 6 months before he TEXTED me saying he was already dating another girl that he met at college (I forgot to mention he was two years older than me) so he wanted to break up. Heart broken was an understatement.

My second serious boyfriend was about a year later. He was 4 years older than me and we dated for almost a year. I was in grade 12 and he was living in an apartment with his friends, almost finished college. The age difference meant nothing when we were together. We loved cooking together and going for walks around his neighbourhood since he lived down by the river. He had the most gorgeous ocean blue eyes and he was so tall, like 6'2". When I started university with my 3 best friends, they were all single. It didn't bother me until they kept badgering me about how I was "missing out on my college experiences" and that really made me scared. I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend because I was so terrified about missing out. I feel so bad for this as we had hung out just the day before and as hard as it was for me since I still loved him, it was at least twice as hard for him. He was completely blindsided. 

The last guy I dated was someone who went to my primary school. We actually reconnected when he came through my cash line at Canadian Tire. We hung out almost every day for the last few weeks of summer, until he had to move away for a job opportunity he got. I wouldn't necessarily call him a "serious" boyfriend as I barely considered him a boyfriend at all, but he called me his girlfriend when we FaceTimed so I guess it was official ha ha. It was so unfulfilling being with someone who was 10 hours away. Wanting to hug someone and not be able to is torture, never mind everything else. It was short lived. One day when we were on FaceTime he was watching a tv show on his laptop and I was on the phone with a friend of mine and I think then we knew. Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder when the heart never had time to become fond in the first place.

I have had other relationships, all with very nice guys, and I am friends with all of my exes (surprisingly enough). I've learned what I deserve from my past relationships. I deserve to love someone who is honest and loyal. Loving someone doesn't mean you're missing out on frivolous things around you (I never did one thing after breaking up that I couldn't have done when we were together). And I learned that I don't need to be in a relationship at all times. 

This stretch of being single has been the longest I haven't had a boyfriend since I was 14. It's been almost a year. When I look back on this year I am so proud of myself. I have really learned who I am by being on my own. I don't rely on anyone else to feel validation and I don't need to be with someone to feel complete. I am so grateful to all the significant others I've had in the past, but I'm also extremely grateful that I've had this time alone to grow and learn and discover and really just give birth to myself in a sense. I don't feel lonely when I'm alone and I think that is the thing I am most grateful for.

Thanks for reading, xo, Katelyn