Wednesday, 28 September 2016

October 5, 2000 to May 15, 2007 | Gilmore Girls Review

Let us all take a moment of silence for the seven year, seven season television masterpiece that was Gilmore Girls...
I have never felt more connected to a television program in my entire life. I felt as though I could connect to every single character at one point or another throughout the seven seasons. 
Rory Gilmore 
I relate most to her love of books and her craving for knowledge. I loved watching her grow and find herself from high school through to college graduation. I resonate with her innocence and strive to be as strong as she was able to become. I fell in love with her kindness, joy, and immense love for everyone around her. Not to mention she's amazingly witty and stunning!
Lorelai Gilmore
I hope one day I can be for my own daughter what Lorelai was for Rory. I really saw myself most in Lorelai's love life. I never know exactly what I want and I tend to make the wrong decision. Her wit always kept me on my toes and I had great admiration for her when it came to familial dedication. She was someone who could appreciate all the amazing people in her life and love them for who they were despite quirks and faults.
Luke Danes
Every girl dreams of a man as kind, compassionate, and loyal as Luke Danes. I found myself in his inability to express emotion- like him I am terrible with communication especially when it comes to romance. Also like him, I can be quite hot headed!
Sookie St.James
Okay, she's crazy- which of course everyone can relate to! I loved Sookie's passion for career, her family, her friends, and her town. She was loyal to a fault, a great mother, an honest woman, and a beautiful friend to Lorelai. 
Emily Gilmore
On a surface level it was easy for me to relate to Emily's desire for cleanliness and order. Once Emily's character developed I fell more and more in love with her. She had a beautiful dedication to her family, especially her husband Richard. Her love for Lorelai was shown in the worst way but it was evident through every action she took. Emily always had such great intentions but it seemed nothing ever turned out the way she had planned it to- something I can very much relate to. The combination of quick whit, sarcasm, cynicism, and a heart of gold allowed Emily to quickly became one of my favourite characters on the show.
Lane Kim
In the beginning I wasn't Lane's biggest fan but I grew to really adore her once the secret was out about what was hiding beneath her floor boards. I loved Lane's sense of self and her integrity. It takes a strong woman to stand up to her mother and follow her passions (as unconventional as they may be). I also admired her honesty to others as well as to herself. Her revelation about waiting to "be with" Zack until marriage threw me for a loop but I gained a lot of respect for Lane for staying true to what she felt was right for her as a woman.
Jess Mariano
I fell in love with this boy and fell in love with him again when he returned to the show as a man. Jess is exactly who I picture myself with in the future- a quiet, misunderstood, honest man who is well read, artistic, passionate, and bold. His rough exterior housed a fragile and beautiful soul that had deep respect for women, literature, and life. He blossomed from a bitter, abandoned boy into a mature, gentle man.
Paris Geller
I couldn't not mention Paris! This girl had so much spunk. Even when we were supposed to hate her I couldn't help but enjoy myself every time she came on screen. There's something so beautiful about a girl who knows what she wants and will not stop until she gets it. She has a no holds barred personality and a brash way of going about things. Despite her social ineptitude, her friendship was invaluable and her ability to care deeply for people was astounding.
The show covered so many topics over the seven season- love, relationships, high school, college, lies, trust, moving on, growing up, etc- and I learned from every single one of them. It was an easy show to watch as it was usually fairly light hearted. Even the hard stuff was made manageable through witty remarks (and silly small town squabbles). 
The end of the show was so bitter sweet for me. I was glad to see all the characters wrapping up their problems and moving forward but I also didn't want it to end! It was so unfinished! Of course the way Lorelai's love life finished was so satisfying but I felt as though Rory's had so many unanswered questions.
Gilmore Girl's is definitely a show I would recommend! I loved it and I know so many other people who love it as much as I do! 
Check it out!
xo, Katie 

Sunday, 25 September 2016

Turn it Off & Turn it Back On Again

Run away from your problems & run into yourself...
 It was eight o'clock yesterday morning when I called into work saying that I wouldn't be coming for my nine o'clock shift. My cousin and his fiancĂ©e were taking a day trip to Sudbury and invited me to come along. Every voice in my head told me I couldn't go- I had homework to do and a shift at work that I had to go in for- and yet I found myself hopping into the back set of the car.

I called in to work and I didn't bring a single text book with me. This past week and a half I've not been attending classes but I've spent the majority of my time studying and making sure I didn't fall behind. 

With all I've been dealing with lately I I needed a minute.

I needed a day to take for myself, void of all responsibilities. I spent the car ride listening to music and reading Beloved by Toni Morrison, with sporadic photo grabs out the window. When in Sudbury we shopped all day long. It was so nice to spend the day with my cousin and his wife to be, just enjoying each others company. We laughed so much and I had such a great time.
I needed this time away- a mental reboot if you will. Now that I'm back home I feel ready to get back to life. I went to work all day, did respite care in the evening, and got some studying done! I also enjoyed some pamper time; I painted my nails, watched some Gilmore Girls, and read InStyle magazine. 

I was far enough away physically that I felt I was emotionally separated as well. I was able to take a step back and evaluate my situation from a different perspective. 

I'm so ready to get back to being my happy, optimistic self. Why wait for Thanksgiving when I have today? I need to trust in the Lord and cast my anxieties upon Him. He will do what is right.

xo, Katie

Friday, 23 September 2016

Doomsday | Mental Health

When enough people call you crazy it's hard not to believe them...
I took a week off life. No work. No school. Just friends, fresh air, and beautiful places. I have an awful habit of keeping myself so busy with mundane activities that I become completely numb and devoid of all human feeling.

I've grown to be fairly successful with slapping a smile on my face and avoiding having people ask me 'what's wrong?'. I turn my emotions off and allow myself to be a robot because feeling nothing is easier than feeling everything. 

I've tried so hard for so long to keep this blog upbeat and happy because it seems wrong to put more negativity into the world than what already exists. But I have to be true to myself and to the people who come back continually to read this blog- it started as my online diary and that's what it will be again. The truth is, I'm not okay. 

I was diagnosed with depression and OCD when I was in the eleventh grade.
One cool September morning, shortly after six, I was woken by the piercing scream of my mother. She was screaming my fathers name. I sat up in bed and heard my brother, still in his own room, begin to stir. I stood and waited for him in the hallway and we walked down the stairs together onto the main floor. We were met by my frantic mother in the kitchen, with blood on her robe, on the phone with 9-11.

 She rushed us out the door and across the street to my aunts house where we waited as the ambulance came, collected my father, and took him away. My mom, now dressed, got in the car and followed.

My brother and I went home. Accompanied by my aunt, we got dressed and went to school, not knowing what happened and pretending like it was all just a dream. When we got home that evening, there was a woman and a man sitting in our kitchen with my mom. They were from the hospital on behalf of the Canadian Mental Health Association. They were there to explain to us that our father- the strong man we loved so much- our father broke. The scars on his neck would be a permanent reminder of the night my father tried to take his life. 

Every year at this time, my depression peaks. I remember every detail of what happened that morning and for the months following while my dad remained in the psychiatric ward of the hospital.

Every year at this time, I wait for the days to pass until Thanksgiving. That was his first day pass. He was able to leave the hospital under my moms supervision. For four hours he could come home and be thankful for his life that was spared by the Lord's grace and be surrounded by the people who love him so much that thinking of life without him is not only unbearable, but unimaginable. 
The foundation of our life cracked as soon as the blade pierced his skin. From that moment on, nothing would be the same. My dad lived. He is thriving and he is happy. But every day I am afraid. I am afraid that he will crack again and our foundation will crumble. We will be left in the ruins that mental illness leaves behind. 

I want to be happy. I really do. But it seems that every time I start to feel good, and happy, and alive my world gets knocked out of orbit and I am sent flying toward the sun at light speed, waiting to be burned. 
I'm so grateful for the people in my life that stick around. I have the greatest friends anyone could dream of having. No matter how hard I push, or how long I shut myself away in my bedroom, I always know that they are going to call and text until I answer. And if I don't answer, they sure as Hell will show up at my door and drag me out into the sunlight. They will always take me to my favourite places, reminding me to grab my camera before heading out the door. Only a few of them know what happened in September of 2011 so the majority of them are in complete darkness when it comes to my autumn craziness. But they are such perfect people and they love me so much that they stay anyways. They don't need to know what's wrong, they just care to know that I will be okay.

People like that are invaluable. No matter how hard I push they grab my hands, pull me in and hold me in their embrace, letting my tears soak their shoulder, until Thanksgiving comes and all feels right again. 

Find those friends. Everyone needs them. Everyone deserves them.

Be that friend. Someone needs you. Someone deserves you.

xo, Katie 

Thursday, 22 September 2016

Walking On Solid Ground | Quotes

When you don't have the words to describe your own emotions, seek the words of someone who has already felt them...
No matter what it is you're going through- good bad or in between- there is someone in this world who has lived it and survived. Take comfort in that.

xo, Katie