A Single Revelation | Personal

I've been single now for almost two full years and I'm okay with it.

Being single isn't easy. As humans we have an innate yearning for human companionship and romance. These desires are impossible to ignore and when unfulfilled can leave you with a crippling feeling of loneliness. 

I fell victim to these thoughts. 

Everything seemed to always come back to my singleness. Wether it was my own thoughts or conversations with others, the topic always circled back to the fact that I didn't have a boyfriend. 

I found myself finding refuge in my room to avoid discussing my romantic life- or lack there of. I found solace in writing (so was born this blog). 

I spent a lot of time alone, avoiding people and going out. Even co-workers would ask me about my love life! They would go so far as to point out attractive men that came through my checkout at Canadian Tire.

As a single woman I think it's so degrading to always be asked about when I will find a man for myself. As if I need a man in my life to be complete. 

I started to throw myself into fitness and becoming a better, healthier me. This wasn't driven entirely by intrinsic motivation. A lot of my desire to become fit came from my ex-boyfriend who made some pretty harsh comments about the weight I had gained. 

What began as revenge became self love.

I began to discover my passions and explore myself as an individual. I was finally taking care of my body and it only seemed right to start taking care of my mind as well. I was introduced to photography and I fell in love with it.

I realize that despite being a social butterfly, I am largely a very introverted person by nature. I began to make a conscious effort to tend to both those qualities of myself. If I needed alone time, I took it. Music and books have become my safe place. 

I surround myself with the best of the best! I had to go through the very heart breaking process of cutting out toxic friends. As hard as it was I feel as though it was the first step in healing my soul and becoming a whole person. The people you surround yourself with have a profound impact on how you view yourself and the world you live in. I couldn't ask for a better group of friends to walk through life with. 

Getting closer with my family- especially my mom- has really helped me over these past two years. I love them all so much and knowing that they always have my back no matter what is very reassuring. I'm never truly alone as long as I have family.

I came to Ottawa with the intention to run away. 

Run away from my previous life.

Run away from the questions about being single. 

Run away from my ex-boyfriend. 

Run away from the toxic friends.

I did run away from all those things, but along the way I ran into myself. I know who I am now and I love who I am. I feel so at peace with myself and my past and I'm very much looking forward to moving back and rebuilding my life in the place I call home. 

My revelation came late last night as I was day dreaming about my future whilst washing my face. I realized that all the plans I was dreaming up were for me. 

Just me.

There was no imaginary man by my side or thoughts of my wedding or marriage or honey moon or children. My future aspirations all belong to me and what I want as far as my career and house etc goes.

I have realized that I am at peace with being a single woman. Love may come or it may not and I'm okay with that. For the first time in my life I see a future for me not an imaginary us. 

I think all this time I've been trying to convince myself that I was okay with being single. That wasn't the true issue though. I didn't need to just be okay with being on my own, I needed to be okay with who I was on my own. I needed to be okay with me. 

It's very liberating to know that no matter what happens I am strong enough on my own to handle anything that comes my way. 

I have all I need.

Thanks for reading & check back again to see what KatieDidd, xo

ABCs of Me | Tag

Age: 20

Biggest fear: being buried alive

Current time: 7:23am

Drink you last had: water

Easiest person to talk to: my mom

Favourite song: David Livingstone by Jon Bryant

Grossest memory: fetal pig dissection in grade 11 biology

Hometown: St. Joseph's Island

In love with: my new city; Ottawa

Jealous of: confident women

Killed someone: umm nope! haha

Longest relationship: just over 2 years

Middle name: Elizabeth

Number of siblings: just one; my brother Mitchell

One wish: to travel

Person who called you last: my parents

Question you're always asked: why don't you drink?

Reason to smile: I'm alive and well :)

Song you last sang: I Was Made For Loving You by Tori Kelly ft. Ed Sheeran

Time you woke up: 7:15am

Underwear colour: black

Vacation destination: Galway, Ireland

Worst habit: being skeptical, not trusting people

X-rays you've had: dentistry, broken arm

Your favourite food: bacon ^.^

Zodiac sign: Aquarius

I hope you guys liked reading through this post, I really enjoy doing these as I think it's great to share intimate details about my own life with you guys! I would like to tag anyone who is reading this. If you do this tag leave the link to your post in the comments so I can check it out!

Thanks for reading, xo, Katelyn

Rambling Through My Anxiety Attack | Personal

This post is NOT planned. I am literally sitting in my apartment alone, crying, feeling so overwhelmed and anxious about the fact that I'm alone. 

This is unedited.

This is un scripted.

This is raw.

This is the real deal of how I feel at this exact moment in time of utter panic. I'm so scared of being here alone and feeling like if anything goes wrong there is nobody here to help me. With the health issues I have, it's so terrifying that if something happened to me, who would even know for days to come?

My family isn't here.

My friends aren't here.

My mom isn't here.

I really thought I was doing fine here. I really thought I was keeping everything together and that I was on track. It's finally hit me just how terrifying this all really is. I'm so far away from the people I love and it's such a scary thought. I'm so used to my big, crazy family and being here is so quiet and lonely... 

I'm relying on the Lord a lot. I know that being here is in His plan, but what if His plans are changing? What if He has decided that I'm not ready for this and that I need to go home? I really want to go home... I just have to cry out to the Lord to give me the strength I need to carry me through these hard and scary days. Through Christ's love anything is possible. If He believes in me then I should also believe in myself. He has my best interest at heart and He wouldn't place me here if it wasn't where He thought I should be. I have to know that and I have to take comfort in that. I need to cast my anxieties onto the Lord and put my full faith in Him. 

I'm so scared.

I'm so alone.

I'm so tired.

My breathing is getting better now. I feel myself calming down and my heart beginning to slow. Gosh, I hate anxiety. It's Friday night, I got invited to my first party of the school year (I mean I wasn't planning on going anyways because I don't party but still). Everyone is out having fun and I'm sitting in my apartment balling my eyes out and calling my mommy like a baby. Are these feelings normal? Are my peers having similar experiences? 

These are the kinds of things nobody ever warned me about. Everyone talked so much about how much fun I will have and how much I'll love the city and how much I'll love my program. 

And all of that is true. 

But I wasn't prepared for this...

My Diary: Moving Out | Personal

For as long as I can remember I have kept a journal (or a diary, whatever you prefer to call it). Keeping a journal helps me to dump my brain and process my thoughts and feelings. Whenever I feel any type of emotion I like to write it on paper. Being a very type-A, analytical person, this helps me to understand my feelings in their entirety. Whether I'm writing in paragraphs or just jotting down random thoughts, journaling is a huge part of my life.

As some of you may know, I very recently moved away to attend college. I have relocated 9 hours away from my home town to the big city of Ottawa! I'm so excited for this new life and this new adventure. It's crossed my mind that there are probably loads of others out there who are moving out or will be moving out; instead of trying to explain my emotions in a blog post, I thought I'd instead share with you what I wrote- word for word, no holds barred- in my journal on the days leading up to moving, the days during the moving process, and the days afterward where my family left me to head home.

August 23, 2015

Today: Worked 10-5 today. Only two more shifts @ CT. It still doesn't feel real that I'm moving in 10 days. 

Painted my nails w. Ballet Slippers by Essie *heart*

Tomorrow: Want to do a crazy workout!

August 26, 2015

Today: only one week left until Ottawa. Getting quite anxious. I'm excited but I know that saying all my goodbyes will be exceptionally hard.

It's scary just how fast the time is going by. All the days are a blur of fleeting memories- mostly great memories.

It's crazy to think how much my life will change in only 7 days.

Tomorrow: Strength workout, movie with Will & evening w. Amanda.

August 27, 2015

6 Days till Ottawa.

I went to the island today for the last time before moving, Amanda came. Feeling v. emotional however have not cried (yet).

Tomorrow is last CT shift, v. bitter sweet.

Want to bake epic dessert for the Saturday party.

August 28, 2015

Worked my last shift at CT today, very bitter sweet.

5 Days till Ottawa.

Tomorrow is my going away party & I do not feel the least bit ready for all the goodbyes I am going to have to say. That's for darn sure!

I think once I get down there I will be fine but leading up to it I am v. anxious.

August 30, 2015

3 Days till Ottawa.

Morning: last night I said goodbye to everyone (till Christmas). It's so sad to be leaving everybody that I love and care about.

Saying goodbye to Opa was the hardest thing I've had to do in ages. When he began to cry I got very emotional.

Monday I will have to say goodbye to the Porter's- I'm not ready for that at all. Especially Tate; he has touched my heart and I'm very afraid he will forget me when I come back (although everyone assures me he won't).

I think when I get to Ottawa it will be very hard missing everyone so much but this is something I need to do. Beyond that it's something I want to do. I love photography. I also couldn't imagine living my whole life without exploring the world and exploring myself.

Evening: Said goodbye to Amanda's mom & Rob today. They are such wonderful people! It's hard to say goodbye to them as they really have been a second family to me. Only 3 more sleeps now. Gah! I'm so nervous but so excited. I can't wait to see what the future holds.

September 1, 2015

11:33am: I've decided to take my measurements on the first of every month instead of weekly. I think it's just a better idea to do it this way. Can't make much progress in a week.

Last night I said goodbye to Homan, Amanda, & Brent. It was quite emotional. Amanda wrote me an absolutely lovely letter. 

We went shopping too! I got a maxi skirt, a midi skirt, a pair of shorts & a skater skirt from Urban Planet all for $40.60. Them we went on to H&M where I spent $24.00 and got a skirt- A line- a t-shirt, and a long sleeve shirt. V. happy! Mega sales!

1:37pm: Just finished loading up all my stuff. Very surreal to realize that, in essence, my entire life fits on a 5'x9' trailer. Need a nap.

9:43pm: Heading to bed- tomorrow is moving day! Eep, I'm so excited! I feel a lot less anxious knowing that everything is all set up for me there. Plus Christmas is only a few months away! :) Said my final goodbyes today (other than mom, dad & Mitch obviously). As sad as it is to leave, and as much as I'll miss everyone, I know that this is the right next step for me and I'm so thrilled to be starting this new life for myself.

September 2, 2015
10:22am: Moving day! We're about 3 and 1/2 hours into the trip (hence bumpy handwriting). Just can't wait to be there! 6 hours to go!

September 3, 2015
Couldn't even write yesterday, it was just go go go. Once we got in we unpacked everything and moved my things into the apartment & got some groceries and other necessities. 
My roommates are nice, but they're never here! They've lived here for years so they already know their way around and have things to do. It's lonely.
It's mom, dad, and Mitch's last day tomorrow and I am not prepared for them to leave at all! At least Paul is here, I've got one friend! We played pool at a pub last night. V. fun but I really suck haha.

September 4, 2015
8:00am: Second night in the apartment was already better than the first.
Today is the fam's last day here. I'm getting a lump in my throat just writing that... I'm very scared. Mom says if I wasn't scared she'd be concerned, so I suppose it's a normal feeling.
Think I'm going to walk around a bit, see what there is in the neighbourhood, before the fam comes to pick me up.
We hit up the aviation museum today, so fun!

September 5, 2015
Just said goodbye to all the family... so many tears. This is all so hard.
1:19pm: Already feeling better :) Paul and I went to the Rideau centre this morning and I didn't buy a thing! Feeling very proud of my self restraint. Am now heading out for a little bike ride around my neighbourhood.

September 6, 2015
Skyped the fam this morning, no tears! :D It's going to be a nice, quiet Sunday for me I do believe. Gong to work on organizing the place a bit more. 
Yesterday's bike ride was a huge success! I really love the neighbourhood I live in.
It's so hot here, I still can't get used to it at all. I constantly feel gross and tired.
Paul said he may be going home for thanksgiving and if he does I can bum a ride from him! I really hope everything works out. I would LOVE to be home for thanksgiving. I think a month being here would be the perfect time for a weekend trip home.
I'm very excited for school to start! Orientation is only 2 days away! I hope I do well.
I'm trying my very best to eat full, healthy meals. It's hard to make myself eat at this point because I'm so homesick but I do need to be eating! That's for sure.
It was my first full day on my own in Ottawa. Went walking down by the beach and discovered Hog's Back Park. It's a huge green area with a dam and streams and waterfalls. It reminds me of back home- definitely will be a place I revisit!
I outlined my budget for the year and I'm feeling quite good about it. Glad I listened to my family and saved money so I don't have to stress about it too much.
Called Dantie & Uncle Mikey and Grammie today :)
Paul took me downtown tonight to see Parliament Hill. It was absolutely stunning- I really love it here. It's easier to deal with the homesickness when there's constantly something to discover.

September 7, 2015
Went to Paul's place today to get all our school things organized. It's freaking 40C today- so humid & too dang hot!!! Can't wait for fall and winter haha.
Skyped the fam for dinner tonight! Was quite lovely, makes it so much easier. I have a new found appreciation for technology.
Tomorrow is college orientation day. Whoooooo! Can't wait, so excited! :)

Hope you enjoyed this VERY personal post showing my raw emotions through the moving out process. It really is hard and quite lonely but such an amazing experience. Let me know how your experience is going (or went if you've had it before), any questions or thoughts then please do leave a comment!

Thanks for reading, xo, Katelyn

30 Under 30 | Personal

1. Take a dance class

2. Start a photography business

3. Get one of my photos in a magazine

4. Travel Ireland

5. Fall in love even if it doesn't last

6. Start a family even if that's just getting a dog

7. Learn German

8. Finish the entire Bible

9. Spend a night under the stars

10. Start a retirement fund

11. Learn to make pasta from scratch

12. Buy land/a home

13. Learn to love every inch of my body

14. Spend time off the grid, alone

15. Write more letters

16. Celebrate 10 years alcohol free

17. Read 100 books

18. Start a herb and veg garden

19. Write a book

20. Maintain my blog and let it grow as I do

21. Get a dog and/or cat

22. Relearn piano

23. Find the perfect little black dress

24. Fill a scrapbook

25. Visit NYC at christmas time

26. Fly in a hot air balloon

27. Shoot a black tie wedding

28. Host a dinner party

29. Take a trip with my mom

30. Embrace my age

Do you have a 30 under 30 list? Please do let me know- even if you don't let me know some things that are on your bucket list!

Thanks for reading, xo, Katelyn

Exploring: Bellevue Park + New Dog + OOTD | Adventure Time

We have welcomed a new addition into our family- making the human:pets ratio even more unbalanced. Duke is a 20 month old Great Dane with the personality of a teddy bear. He is so adorably cuddly and sweet; he has no idea just how large he really is, trying to climb up onto the couch to get in a snuggle with anyone who will scratch his ears. He is underweight- we got him from a Great Dane rescue facility so his prior life isn't completely known to us- but we are working on putting some meat onto his bones.

We took him for a walk around a local park- Bellevue Park- as he loves to explore new areas, letting his nose guide him. He met a lot of kids who gave him some good head rubs and he also met a little dachshund who licked his feet and tried to play with him. He is the perfect little -big- addition to our family, we all love him so much already. He is the best bike ride buddy for me because he can actually keep up!

My eyes are open, I swear! Hahaha, they look closed because of the shadow from my glasses... 4 eyes probs. I'm throwing in a cheeky little OOTD from this jaunt around the park as I'm loving that the evenings are getting cooler and I can wear more clothes (patiently waiting for fall/winter over here haha). This whole outfit includes pieces from my last haul! My jean jacket is from Dynamite and I am absolutely head over heels for it! My black jeans are from Forever 21, my oatmeal coloured tank is from the H&M basics line. My handbag is also from H&M and my shoes are from Boathouse. 

We came across this tree whilst walking the path through the park and I couldn't resist getting a shot of it. It amazes me how many  shades of green you can capture in just one photo during the summer. Call me a tree hugger if you will, but there are very few things that I appreciate as much as I appreciate nature.

We stopped to watch a little family of ducks live their cute duck lives as the sun began it's descent from the sky. I think exploring your city and learning to appreciate where you live is such a blessing. During high school I remember everyone saying how boring our city was, how there was never anything to do, how we were always bored. Now that I've begun to immerse myself in my city and discover new places I find that I'm rarely bored and I can really appreciate how blessed I am to have grown up in such a beautiful place.

I challenge you to explore your city and learn to love where you live. Wether it's a park, a cafe, a new shop, or a different neighbourhood just start to appreciate where you are in this world. If you can enjoy where you are it's a lot easier to enjoy what you are doing.

Thanks for reading, xo, Katelyn

50 MORE Facts About Me | Personal

1. I hate the feeling of carpet on my feet

2. I love the Simpsons

3. I have to lay my yoga mat out at night or I legitimately forget to workout in the morning, it's not a laziness thing, it's an idiot thing

4. I read... a lot

5. My favourite 'new' artists/bands are Little Mix, Shawn Mendes, Ariana Grande, Adele, and Sam Smith

6. My favourite 'old' artists/bands are Elton John, Queen, Billy Joel, and Journey

7. I love doing my nails and finding new nail colours

8. I like making lists and schedules

9. I always sleep on my back

10. I stare at peoples faces because I'm really fascinated by facial features

11. I don't really like Spring and Summer too much

12. I'm a PLL addict- I've seen every episode twice

13. When I'm eating a stir fry or casserole I eat all the vegetables first, then the meat, and finally the pasta

14. I've got awful insomnia but it comes in waves so thankfully it's not every night

15. I don't like showering- I do it, but I don't like it

16. I'm obsessed with Ingrid Nilsen. She was my first YouTube subscription and I watch all of her videos religiously

17. I love socks and slippers

18. I will probably live in NYC before I'm 30

19. I've wanted to dye my hair for ages but I'm a chicken

20. I've recently become OBSESSED with Rookie Blue

21. I want a great dane, a French bull dog, and an Italian greyhound

22. I love thunderstorms and rain storms

23. Cardigans are my favourite clothing piece

24. My favourite actress is Angelina Jolie

25. I love stationary- notebooks, pens, notepads, etc

26. I like watching daily vlogs more than sit down, planned videos on YouTube

27. I like shopping but I hate spending money; I'm a huge bargain hunter

28. Christmas is my favourite time of the year- I look forward to it like crazy and start planning gifts and new baking ideas in the summer

29. October is my favourite month

30. I want to live in the country side on a big piece of land, a cute house, and maybe some farm animals

31. I love hiking

32. When I get hungry I get really grumpy

33. I also get really grumpy when I'm over tired

34. I hate when people touch my food- I'll share if you ask but don't take it off my plate 

35. I like talking on the phone over texting

36. I really like school, always have

37. When I have long hair I want to cut it, when I have short hair I want to grow it out

38. My favourite number is 14

39. I always seem to gravitate toward dark clothes- grey, navy, black, etc

40. My celerity crushes are definitely Jesse Williams, Ben Bass, Jason Segel, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, and Darren Criss

41. I've started playing a few different instruments in the past but never stuck with them

42. I love interior design; I can't wait to own my own home and decorate it

43. I want to travel Europe, mainly Ireland, England and Scotland

44. My health has always been a struggle for me- I have PCOS, hypoglycaemia, life threatening food allergies, AND autoimmune thyroiditis

45. My style is either very girly or very Tumblr, not much in-between

46. I like the smell of carnivals, the mixture of caramel corn, deep friend foods, and cotton candy!

47. I can't wait for my 30s; I've always looked forward to having a home, a husband, a job, kids, etc

48. I love the way the moon reflects on the water

49. I can't keep plans alive- I once killed a cactus

50. I'M MOVING TO OTTAWA AT THE BEGINNING OF SEPTEMBER!

Thanks for reading, xo, Katelyn

Random Thought Thursday | June 25, 2015

Twelve Hours

11pm

A bowl of cheerios, a mug of tea

Pyjamas on, hair up, book open

The song on my iPod reminds me of you

I miss you.

1am

I can't sleep so I open a beer; I chug

A belch erupts from my hungry stomach

Everything reminds me of you and I hate it

 I miss you.

4am

A shot of whiskey, another, another

Lost count, I call you

The voice on the other end tells me you changed your number

I miss you.

11am

When I wake up I'm still drunk

The sun coming through the window is blinding

It's been twelve hours since that song

And I still fucking miss you.

Thanks for reading, xo, Katelyn

Chatty Tuesdays | June 23, 2015

Marriage

I've always said that I'm not going to get married and even if I do I won't have a wedding. I've never seen the point in it, but I think now I understand. It's not about the piece of paper or the attention of the big day or the gifts. Getting married is the truest proof of love and devotion to another person. A wedding isn't about you as much as it's about loving someone so much that you want to share that love with every important member of your life.

We live in a world with war and poverty and we are constantly reminded that 50% of marriages end in divorce but when we see someone we care about so happy and so deeply in love we are reminded that there are great things in this life. We are given hope. And even if it is just for one day, we remember that the world isn't such a bad place after all.

Thanks for reading, xo, Katelyn