21. I'll Be Home For Christmas | Blogmas

Being that it's my first time living away from home, it's also my first time flying home for the holidays and boy was it an experience! I arrived at the MacDonald-Cartier International Airport in Ottawa at 9:10am as my flight was scheduled for 10:15am. As I was checking my bag the lady working at the desk (who was quite rude I have to say) informed me that my flight to Toronto was delayed until 12:15pm. She then proceeded to charge me $85 freakin' bucks for an oversized luggage fee because apparently their weight limits changed but the website wasn't updated. 

So little distraught me ended up boarding the plane to Toronto at 12:15pm and landing safe and sound in TO. The girl sitting beside me on the flight was an absolute doll I have to say and even grew up just a little ways away from me back home! What a small world it is. 

Then came the Toronto airport...

"Ladies and gentlemen waiting for flight 687 to Sault Ste. Marie, we're sorry to say your flight has been delayed again due to poor weather conditions."

The Sault was supposed to be having it's first green Christmas since the 90s, which of course broke my heart. It's not Christmas without snow! Well the Lord clearly heard my prayers as he blessed SSM with this lovely snow storm... the day I was meant to fly home! I can't say I was the happiest of campers having spent five hours sitting around an airport. But, I eventually did make it home safe and sound which is really the most important thing at the end of the day!

I really do love flying. There's something about being above the clouds that's so calming to me. The turbulence tugged at my anxiety a little bit, but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. Landing in SSM was the best feeling! Hugging my parents- and finally eating food- was amazing!

My first solo travel experience is something I will never forget. It was a learning curve for sure but I'm really proud of myself for keeping my anxiety under control and "putting on my big girl panties" to get through the whole travel experience.

If you're travelling home for Christmas I hope you make it safely with as little delay as possible! Have you ever travelled alone? If you have any tips to make the whole travelling experience less stressful please do let me know!

Thanks for reading, xo, Katelyn

Rambling Through My Anxiety Attack | Personal

This post is NOT planned. I am literally sitting in my apartment alone, crying, feeling so overwhelmed and anxious about the fact that I'm alone. 

This is unedited.

This is un scripted.

This is raw.

This is the real deal of how I feel at this exact moment in time of utter panic. I'm so scared of being here alone and feeling like if anything goes wrong there is nobody here to help me. With the health issues I have, it's so terrifying that if something happened to me, who would even know for days to come?

My family isn't here.

My friends aren't here.

My mom isn't here.

I really thought I was doing fine here. I really thought I was keeping everything together and that I was on track. It's finally hit me just how terrifying this all really is. I'm so far away from the people I love and it's such a scary thought. I'm so used to my big, crazy family and being here is so quiet and lonely... 

I'm relying on the Lord a lot. I know that being here is in His plan, but what if His plans are changing? What if He has decided that I'm not ready for this and that I need to go home? I really want to go home... I just have to cry out to the Lord to give me the strength I need to carry me through these hard and scary days. Through Christ's love anything is possible. If He believes in me then I should also believe in myself. He has my best interest at heart and He wouldn't place me here if it wasn't where He thought I should be. I have to know that and I have to take comfort in that. I need to cast my anxieties onto the Lord and put my full faith in Him. 

I'm so scared.

I'm so alone.

I'm so tired.

My breathing is getting better now. I feel myself calming down and my heart beginning to slow. Gosh, I hate anxiety. It's Friday night, I got invited to my first party of the school year (I mean I wasn't planning on going anyways because I don't party but still). Everyone is out having fun and I'm sitting in my apartment balling my eyes out and calling my mommy like a baby. Are these feelings normal? Are my peers having similar experiences? 

These are the kinds of things nobody ever warned me about. Everyone talked so much about how much fun I will have and how much I'll love the city and how much I'll love my program. 

And all of that is true. 

But I wasn't prepared for this...