A Single Revelation | Personal

I've been single now for almost two full years and I'm okay with it.

Being single isn't easy. As humans we have an innate yearning for human companionship and romance. These desires are impossible to ignore and when unfulfilled can leave you with a crippling feeling of loneliness. 

I fell victim to these thoughts. 

Everything seemed to always come back to my singleness. Wether it was my own thoughts or conversations with others, the topic always circled back to the fact that I didn't have a boyfriend. 

I found myself finding refuge in my room to avoid discussing my romantic life- or lack there of. I found solace in writing (so was born this blog). 

I spent a lot of time alone, avoiding people and going out. Even co-workers would ask me about my love life! They would go so far as to point out attractive men that came through my checkout at Canadian Tire.

As a single woman I think it's so degrading to always be asked about when I will find a man for myself. As if I need a man in my life to be complete. 

I started to throw myself into fitness and becoming a better, healthier me. This wasn't driven entirely by intrinsic motivation. A lot of my desire to become fit came from my ex-boyfriend who made some pretty harsh comments about the weight I had gained. 

What began as revenge became self love.

I began to discover my passions and explore myself as an individual. I was finally taking care of my body and it only seemed right to start taking care of my mind as well. I was introduced to photography and I fell in love with it.

I realize that despite being a social butterfly, I am largely a very introverted person by nature. I began to make a conscious effort to tend to both those qualities of myself. If I needed alone time, I took it. Music and books have become my safe place. 

I surround myself with the best of the best! I had to go through the very heart breaking process of cutting out toxic friends. As hard as it was I feel as though it was the first step in healing my soul and becoming a whole person. The people you surround yourself with have a profound impact on how you view yourself and the world you live in. I couldn't ask for a better group of friends to walk through life with. 

Getting closer with my family- especially my mom- has really helped me over these past two years. I love them all so much and knowing that they always have my back no matter what is very reassuring. I'm never truly alone as long as I have family.

I came to Ottawa with the intention to run away. 

Run away from my previous life.

Run away from the questions about being single. 

Run away from my ex-boyfriend. 

Run away from the toxic friends.

I did run away from all those things, but along the way I ran into myself. I know who I am now and I love who I am. I feel so at peace with myself and my past and I'm very much looking forward to moving back and rebuilding my life in the place I call home. 

My revelation came late last night as I was day dreaming about my future whilst washing my face. I realized that all the plans I was dreaming up were for me. 

Just me.

There was no imaginary man by my side or thoughts of my wedding or marriage or honey moon or children. My future aspirations all belong to me and what I want as far as my career and house etc goes.

I have realized that I am at peace with being a single woman. Love may come or it may not and I'm okay with that. For the first time in my life I see a future for me not an imaginary us. 

I think all this time I've been trying to convince myself that I was okay with being single. That wasn't the true issue though. I didn't need to just be okay with being on my own, I needed to be okay with who I was on my own. I needed to be okay with me. 

It's very liberating to know that no matter what happens I am strong enough on my own to handle anything that comes my way. 

I have all I need.

Thanks for reading & check back again to see what KatieDidd, xo

41. Hobbies | 52 Weeks of Gratitude Challenge

Spending time alone is something I do quite often now that I'm so busy with school- I'm always studying or working on assignments! My hobbies have become a safe haven of sorts. Doing something I enjoy and am passionate about in between study periods is like seeking refuge in a rain storm.

I have quite a few hobbies, mostly artistic in nature, that I rely on for peace of mind. Painting, writing, knitting, and reading are the four hobbies I fall back on more often than not. I love creating new pieces of art and losing myself in a picture, or a poem, or a pattern. I also love to dive head first into the written word of another human to experience life through different eyes. 

Another one of my hobbies is this blog. I don't write for money or followers; I write for myself, because I love it. If other people enjoy it too that's just the icing on the cake! Some of you may have noticed that I took a break this past week from posting on this blog. Unfortunately there were some unfortunate circumstances in my personal life that made it very difficult to sit and write a post. Things have worked themselves out for the most part (which I'm most grateful for) and it feels great to be sitting here writing these words to share with anyone who chooses to read them. 

My hobbies are something I'm very grateful for. Anything that can bring me just a second of bliss is worth taking the time for in my opinion. Do you have any hobbies? What are they and how often do you make time for them?

Thanks for reading & check back next time to see what KatieDidd, xo

10 Favs in Month 10 | October Favourites

Another month has flown by, which means another favourites post (woo!) October was such an amazing month for me! Everything in September felt overwhelmingly new, but throughout October, everything felt refreshingly new. I pulled myself out of my shell and let myself enjoy Ottawa and experience the new life that I'm making for myself. 

Here are 10 things I loved throughout October; the 10th month:

1. Kindle Unlimited

I'm a huge book worm, but when you get through as many books as I do in a month the cost really does add up. I downloaded the Kindle Unlimited app at the beginning of the month and I've really been enjoying it. It's only $9.99/month and you get unlimited access to tonnes of books. You can access your library on any device that supports the Kindle app just by logging in. I recently just finished re-reading MockingJay in preparation for the upcoming movie!

2. Hot Cocoa

As the weather gets cold, I'm all about feeling as cozy as possible. Making homemade cocoa is one of those things that instantly puts me in a good mood (and the little caffeine boost has been helpful during midterms haha). To make my cocoa I bring 1 cup of milk to a boil in small pot. I then add in 3 heaped teaspoons of raw cacao powder, 2 level teaspoons of sugar, a pinch of cinnamon, and 1/4 teaspoon of vanilla extract. I let it simmer over a low heat for about 8 minutes, stirring quite frequently. It's so delicious and warms not only the body, but the soul as well!

3. Body Fantasies

I won't go into too much detail about these two body mists because I did a whole review on them that you can read here. I've been wearing one of these two scents everyday this past month and absolutely loving them! 

4. Astoria by Mariana's Trench

I've been waiting for 4 years for Mariana's Trench to finally come out with a new album, and let me say: it was worth the wait! Their new album, Astoria, is absolute perfection! I especially love the songs This Means War, Dearly Departed, Who Do You Love, Wildfire, and End of an Era!

5. Personal Writing

I took a little break from writing when I first moved to Ottawa. I was so busy and uncomfortable in my surroundings that writing didn't seem like a priority. I'm still busy, but now that I'm really getting settled in and loving living here, I feel that my mind is in a good place to be writing again. I picked up this book of 300 writing prompts from Chapters to get my creative juices flowing again and it's really helped me get back in to writing. I've been whacking out short stories and poems like crazy and I feel great about it! Writing is such a release for me. 

6. Down Town/Byward Market

Coming from a small town, I've never experienced a real downtown aura. Being in downtown Ottawa from the Byward Market, to Parliament Hill, to Bank Street... I love it all! It's always busy and so full of life; there's always something going on. It's such a vibrant and energizing place to be that I can't imagine myself ever getting sick of it.

7. Bras Across The Bridge

I was lucky enough to be able to make it to the Bras Across The Bridge fundraising event on October 30th at Mackenzie King Bridge in Downtown Ottawa. This was an event to raise funds and awareness for Breast Cancer. Over 3000 bras were donated- for every donated bra, $1 was given to Ottawa Regional Cancer Foundation in support of October being Breast Cancer Awareness Month. It was such a beautiful experience to see just how many people were passionate about raising money and awareness for a cause that affects so many women (and men) around the world!

8. Thanksgiving Weekend

I was able to make the 10 hour drive home with a few friends for Thanksgiving weekend! It was so great to be able to see my friends and family since I hadn't in over a month. Being home was wonderful and I enjoyed every second of it. Can't wait for Christmas break to be able to go home for a longer period of time- 3 days just didn't cut it!

9. Once Upon a Time

I've fallen into the Once Upon a Time vortex and at such a bad time too! Midterms are getting in the way of my Rumple time! I'm still only on the first season but I'm absolutely hooked and loving every second of the show!

10. My Friends!

I've met a bunch of great people here in Ottawa, but these 3 are definitely my core group! I absolutely adore each of them- they have been such a blessing to have as friends. I feel like we're all on the same sort of wavelength for a lot of things, but different enough to keep things interesting. Definitely my favourite people that I've met so far!

What did you love throughout October? Please do let me know- if you wrote an October Favourites post, leave a link below so I can check it out!

Thanks for reading, xo, Katelyn