A Single Revelation | Personal

I've been single now for almost two full years and I'm okay with it.

Being single isn't easy. As humans we have an innate yearning for human companionship and romance. These desires are impossible to ignore and when unfulfilled can leave you with a crippling feeling of loneliness. 

I fell victim to these thoughts. 

Everything seemed to always come back to my singleness. Wether it was my own thoughts or conversations with others, the topic always circled back to the fact that I didn't have a boyfriend. 

I found myself finding refuge in my room to avoid discussing my romantic life- or lack there of. I found solace in writing (so was born this blog). 

I spent a lot of time alone, avoiding people and going out. Even co-workers would ask me about my love life! They would go so far as to point out attractive men that came through my checkout at Canadian Tire.

As a single woman I think it's so degrading to always be asked about when I will find a man for myself. As if I need a man in my life to be complete. 

I started to throw myself into fitness and becoming a better, healthier me. This wasn't driven entirely by intrinsic motivation. A lot of my desire to become fit came from my ex-boyfriend who made some pretty harsh comments about the weight I had gained. 

What began as revenge became self love.

I began to discover my passions and explore myself as an individual. I was finally taking care of my body and it only seemed right to start taking care of my mind as well. I was introduced to photography and I fell in love with it.

I realize that despite being a social butterfly, I am largely a very introverted person by nature. I began to make a conscious effort to tend to both those qualities of myself. If I needed alone time, I took it. Music and books have become my safe place. 

I surround myself with the best of the best! I had to go through the very heart breaking process of cutting out toxic friends. As hard as it was I feel as though it was the first step in healing my soul and becoming a whole person. The people you surround yourself with have a profound impact on how you view yourself and the world you live in. I couldn't ask for a better group of friends to walk through life with. 

Getting closer with my family- especially my mom- has really helped me over these past two years. I love them all so much and knowing that they always have my back no matter what is very reassuring. I'm never truly alone as long as I have family.

I came to Ottawa with the intention to run away. 

Run away from my previous life.

Run away from the questions about being single. 

Run away from my ex-boyfriend. 

Run away from the toxic friends.

I did run away from all those things, but along the way I ran into myself. I know who I am now and I love who I am. I feel so at peace with myself and my past and I'm very much looking forward to moving back and rebuilding my life in the place I call home. 

My revelation came late last night as I was day dreaming about my future whilst washing my face. I realized that all the plans I was dreaming up were for me. 

Just me.

There was no imaginary man by my side or thoughts of my wedding or marriage or honey moon or children. My future aspirations all belong to me and what I want as far as my career and house etc goes.

I have realized that I am at peace with being a single woman. Love may come or it may not and I'm okay with that. For the first time in my life I see a future for me not an imaginary us. 

I think all this time I've been trying to convince myself that I was okay with being single. That wasn't the true issue though. I didn't need to just be okay with being on my own, I needed to be okay with who I was on my own. I needed to be okay with me. 

It's very liberating to know that no matter what happens I am strong enough on my own to handle anything that comes my way. 

I have all I need.

Thanks for reading & check back again to see what KatieDidd, xo

Life Lately | Update

March has been one heck of a crazy month! School has been absolutely insane with assignments and due dates and tests. Now finals are just around the corner and it doesn't seem to be letting up quite yet. 

So much has happened this month that I figured a little update was in order. 

School

Gotta start off with the big one. The one that has taken up the majority of my month. I still love my program and I still love my school. 

It's a relief to still be able to say that after the hectic month we've endured. A lot of my classes are wrapping up now as the first two weeks of April are for portfolio development and the third week of April is dedicated to portfolio interviews. 

I have realized this month that I really enjoy commercial photography as a whole and high key portraiture. I really enjoy photographing products, especially cosmetics! 

I think I like high key portraiture so much because it seems to make everyone look flawless! I mean, come on, a Mola beauty dish can make anyone look amazing haha. 

Relationships

I had Tinder for like 6 days haha. My friend convinced me that it would be a good idea to put myself out there and make people know that I am available for a relationship. Firstly, I think Tinder is a joke. I know a few couples who have actually met through Tinder and are doing great together but on the whole I don't think it's meant for serious relationships. 

I realized through all this that I don't think I am available for a relationship. No, I'm not taken. But I'm spending so much time and effort on working toward loving myself that I'm not sure I'm really ready to open my heart to someone else. 

Friends

I have grown very close to a girl here in my program. We have been doing all of our shoots together and have been spending a lot of time together outside of the program as well. She is easily my closest and best friend here in Ottawa. 

The first friend I made here is someone who I'm not sure I'm proud to call a friend anymore. We had a little argument toward the beginning of the month where in she left me in a full blown anxiety attack. She didn't ever apologize or ask if I was okay, instead she left. Friends shouldn't give friends anxiety attacks.

Since that has happened, numerous others with in the program have revealed to me that they really don't like her and they feel that she is rude and judgemental. I couldn't agree more. However, I only have three weeks left with her so I'm remaining civil. It seems like the best option. 

Roommates

I have been struggling to get along with my one roommate since day one here. She is the type of person who makes messes and leaves them behind for someone else to clean up. But then if she finds a mess in the apartment that isn't hers all hell breaks loose and she's spam messaging the rest of us that we are slobs and need to clean up. It has been a genuine test of patience to deal with her. Just three more weeks. Just three more weeks.

Family

I'm not sure if I mentioned it on here but my aunt and uncle had a house fire just before Christmas. They FINALLY received an answer about their home from the insurance adjusters- it's being written off. I'm so happy that they are able to move on with their lives, look for houses, and move out of the hotel they've been living in. 

I can't wait to be back home this summer. Again, just three more weeks! My family and I are all so close, especially me and my mom. I'm excited to be able to enjoy more time with them again. I'm going to give my mom the biggest hug when I see her!

Personal Wellbeing

With this being such a stressful month I have been making a conscious effort to make sure I'm not letting myself get on auto pilot. I've been trying my best to stay present in every moment and take breaks whenever I need to. 

Yoga and walks around the neighbourhood have been two things I've been doing to help keep me active and sane. It's so easy to get into editing mode. Before you know it four hours have passed and your eyes are hurting something fierce! I try to take a break every hour for about fifteen minutes. 

Coming Up Next

I don't plan to return to Ottawa for the next school year. The photography program at the college back home has been revamped and is just as good as the one here! I'm so happy to be moving home.

My health has been acting up lately. Moving home really is my only option as far as taking care of myself and my body. I do like Ottawa and at first I was extremely gutted. Once I learned that the college offered a comparable program, I was really relieved and I'm now looking forward to being back home.

Speaking of moving home, my oldest and best girl friend is moving home too! We plan to spend the summer working and living at our homes to save money. When August comes we're going to get an apartment together! I'm so excited! We've been talking about living together for years and it's finally able to happen!

I got offered a photography job shooting a wedding! This July ninth I will be photographing a bride and groom on their big day! I'm so anxious about it. On one hand I'm really excited for the opportunity but on the other hand it's a huge deal and I'm quite nervous. It happens to fall on no bra day... one of my favourite days of the year... so I'm taking that as a positive sign haha.

How has March treated you? I hope daylight savings spring forward didn't mess with your sleep too much! What are you looking forward to this summer? Let me know in a comment!

Thanks for reading & check back again to see what KatieDidd, xo

44. Your Favourite Holiday | 52 Weeks of Gratitude Challenge

This is a tricky one for me; I love celebrating everything and I love holidays! I suppose the typical answer would be Christmas- which I LOVE, don't get me wrong. But I think I'd have to say my favourite holiday is Family Day. This holiday was February 15th and so has just passed. It was a lovely day spent with most of the people I love. I really like family day because it's a chance to spend time with family without the stress that comes with preparing big, fancy meals for holidays like Christmas or Thanksgiving. It's simply a day where the government recognizes that families need more time together, especially during this time of Winter Blues.

This year, my family day began with a four hour snow machine ride with my cousin and his girlfriend through the bush trails around our city. Then a good portion of my extended family came over to our house to enjoy home made lentil soup and cake in celebration of my twenty first birthday! It was a perfect day from start to finish.

Does your country have a family day holiday? If so what'd you get up to on yours? Please do let me know in a comment!

Thanks for reading & check back to see what KatieDidd, xo

23. Our Christmas Traditions | Blogmas

As a family, we are all quite festive people as well as incredibly habitual. This results in having a plethora of Christmas traditions that we make sure we tick off the list every year! We love doing things as a family, especially around the holidays and these activities always put us in good spirits and bring us so close as a family. Some of these we have already done, and some are yet to come! Here's a list of the Christmas traditions myself and my family have for every year!

1. Decorating the tree/house

2. Gingerbread houses

3. Light hunting

4. Christmas film marathon

5. Lots of baking

6. Christmas Eve dinner at my aunts

7. Wearing our new pjs to bed on Christmas Eve

8. Stockings on Christmas morning

9. Christmas morning brunch

10. Desserts all day and being lazy on Christmas Day

What are some traditions your family has for Christmas time? I'd love to know so please do leave a comment!

Thanks for reading, xo, Katelyn

Thanksgiving 2015 | Photo Diary

This past weekend, myself and a couple friends from home who also moved to Ottawa made the drive back to celebrate Thanksgiving with our families. As a photography student, I, of course, documented the trip with my camera. Here it is...

Friday: The Drive Home

Saturday: The Island with the Besties & Dad's Dinner

Sunday: Photo Shoot, Mom's Dinner & Late Night Monopoly

Monday: Back to Ottawa

Thanks for reading, xo, Katelyn