Turn it Off & Turn it Back On Again

Run away from your problems & run into yourself...

 It was eight o'clock yesterday morning when I called into work saying that I wouldn't be coming for my nine o'clock shift. My cousin and his fiancée were taking a day trip to Sudbury and invited me to come along. Every voice in my head told me I couldn't go- I had homework to do and a shift at work that I had to go in for- and yet I found myself hopping into the back set of the car.

I called in to work and I didn't bring a single text book with me. This past week and a half I've not been attending classes but I've spent the majority of my time studying and making sure I didn't fall behind. 

With all I've been dealing with lately I I needed a minute.

I needed a day to take for myself, void of all responsibilities. I spent the car ride listening to music and reading Beloved by Toni Morrison, with sporadic photo grabs out the window. When in Sudbury we shopped all day long. It was so nice to spend the day with my cousin and his wife to be, just enjoying each others company. We laughed so much and I had such a great time.

I needed this time away- a mental reboot if you will. Now that I'm back home I feel ready to get back to life. I went to work all day, did respite care in the evening, and got some studying done! I also enjoyed some pamper time; I painted my nails, watched some Gilmore Girls, and read InStyle magazine. 

I was far enough away physically that I felt I was emotionally separated as well. I was able to take a step back and evaluate my situation from a different perspective. 

I'm so ready to get back to being my happy, optimistic self. Why wait for Thanksgiving when I have today? I need to trust in the Lord and cast my anxieties upon Him. He will do what is right.

xo, Katie

Doomsday | Mental Health

When enough people call you crazy it's hard not to believe them...

I took a week off life. No work. No school. Just friends, fresh air, and beautiful places. I have an awful habit of keeping myself so busy with mundane activities that I become completely numb and devoid of all human feeling.

I've grown to be fairly successful with slapping a smile on my face and avoiding having people ask me 'what's wrong?'. I turn my emotions off and allow myself to be a robot because feeling nothing is easier than feeling everything. 

I've tried so hard for so long to keep this blog upbeat and happy because it seems wrong to put more negativity into the world than what already exists. But I have to be true to myself and to the people who come back continually to read this blog- it started as my online diary and that's what it will be again. The truth is, I'm not okay. 

I was diagnosed with depression and OCD when I was in the eleventh grade.

One cool September morning, shortly after six, I was woken by the piercing scream of my mother. She was screaming my fathers name. I sat up in bed and heard my brother, still in his own room, begin to stir. I stood and waited for him in the hallway and we walked down the stairs together onto the main floor. We were met by my frantic mother in the kitchen, with blood on her robe, on the phone with 9-11.

 She rushed us out the door and across the street to my aunts house where we waited as the ambulance came, collected my father, and took him away. My mom, now dressed, got in the car and followed.

My brother and I went home. Accompanied by my aunt, we got dressed and went to school, not knowing what happened and pretending like it was all just a dream. When we got home that evening, there was a woman and a man sitting in our kitchen with my mom. They were from the hospital on behalf of the Canadian Mental Health Association. They were there to explain to us that our father- the strong man we loved so much- our father broke. The scars on his neck would be a permanent reminder of the night my father tried to take his life. 

Every year at this time, my depression peaks. I remember every detail of what happened that morning and for the months following while my dad remained in the psychiatric ward of the hospital.

Every year at this time, I wait for the days to pass until Thanksgiving. That was his first day pass. He was able to leave the hospital under my moms supervision. For four hours he could come home and be thankful for his life that was spared by the Lord's grace and be surrounded by the people who love him so much that thinking of life without him is not only unbearable, but unimaginable. 

The foundation of our life cracked as soon as the blade pierced his skin. From that moment on, nothing would be the same. My dad lived. He is thriving and he is happy. But every day I am afraid. I am afraid that he will crack again and our foundation will crumble. We will be left in the ruins that mental illness leaves behind. 

I want to be happy. I really do. But it seems that every time I start to feel good, and happy, and alive my world gets knocked out of orbit and I am sent flying toward the sun at light speed, waiting to be burned. 

I'm so grateful for the people in my life that stick around. I have the greatest friends anyone could dream of having. No matter how hard I push, or how long I shut myself away in my bedroom, I always know that they are going to call and text until I answer. And if I don't answer, they sure as Hell will show up at my door and drag me out into the sunlight. They will always take me to my favourite places, reminding me to grab my camera before heading out the door. Only a few of them know what happened in September of 2011 so the majority of them are in complete darkness when it comes to my autumn craziness. But they are such perfect people and they love me so much that they stay anyways. They don't need to know what's wrong, they just care to know that I will be okay.

People like that are invaluable. No matter how hard I push they grab my hands, pull me in and hold me in their embrace, letting my tears soak their shoulder, until Thanksgiving comes and all feels right again. 

Find those friends. Everyone needs them. Everyone deserves them.

Be that friend. Someone needs you. Someone deserves you.

xo, Katie 

Walking On Solid Ground | Quotes

When you don't have the words to describe your own emotions, seek the words of someone who has already felt them...

 

No matter what it is you're going through- good bad or in between- there is someone in this world who has lived it and survived. Take comfort in that.

xo, Katie

Discovering Colour | Haul

I wear a lot of black.

This is common knowledge to anyone who knows me- I love to wear black. It's an easy colour to wear. Black on black always matches.

My monochrome wardrobe never bothered me until others started pointing out that I have a serious aversion to colour. What really struck me was when my cousin said to me, "I've never met someone who loved the world as much as you and who notices all the colours of the Earth. Yet, you dress like you hate life."

My thought process is usually about as deep as a kiddie pool- I don't tend to read too much into things. For some reason though, this comment has been weighing on my mind since he said it to me back in June!

Alas, I have been dedicating the majority of my textile purchases this summer to items that are a touch more colourful. This is a collective haul over a couple months and from a few different stores. To be honest, I think the majority is still black... but hey; I'm trying!

Forever 21
Winners
H&M

Ricki's

Joe Fresh

Sears

Boathouse

Nothing completes a haul like some new Vans! I'm really trying with this whole 'more colour' thing- we'll see how it goes I suppose! Hope you all are enjoying the last shred of summer and are looking forward to returning to school!

Thanks for reading & check back again to see what KatieDidd, xo

Catch of the Day! | Girly Guide to: Fishing

I love being outdoors- the sun, water, fresh air- doing activities that are less than glamorous. Mudding, hiking, sea-dooing and fishing are just a few of the outdoor summer activities I enjoy on a regular basis. If you're anything like me- outdoorsy but girly- it can be hard to balance enjoying the great outdoors while protecting your manicure!

Fear not my adventure lovin' ladies. I have a few tips and tricks to help keep you looking fresh faced and gorgeous all day while enjoying the less than beauty guru approved outdoor activities that you love!

Today I am going to focus on fishing. I love to go fishing! Being out on a boat in the sun for hours on end is enough to make me happy, but throw in the thrill of catching a fish- the fight to reel it in, that feeling in your stomach when you realize its a big one!- and you've got me hook, line and sinker. 

1. Think Pink

I like to use pink equiptment when I'm doing activities that aren't exactly feminine. I know it really doesn't make a whole lot of difference in the fishing itself. However, I think being surrounded by pink helps to keep your girly side on the surface. Also, they're all super cute!

Even my fishing rod and reel are pink! I got this rod and reel set from Bass Pro Shop about four years ago and I still love it just as much!

2. Get Girl Gloves

I would strongly suggest getting yourself a pair of fishing gloves for baiting hooks and taking off fish. Baiting hooks is just kind of gross in my opinion and slimy fish can slip out of small hands. Having a pair of fishing gloves that have grips on the fingers and palm is a life saver when trying to unhook a squirmy slimy fish with baby hands!

3. Bring a Book
Spending hours out on the lake is so relaxing but when you're not catching any fish it can get a touch boring. Bringing a book to read keeps you in the tech free, open air mindset while still providing you a little something to keep you occupied. 

4. Bring Layers
This particular day of fishing I started off with just a bikini on and ended up in this outfit. As the sun goes down and the wind picks up, it gets really chilly out on a lake! Bringing long pants and a sweater can never hurt, even if you don't end up putting them on!

I hope this post is helpful to you outdoorsy ladies who respect clean nails! Do you have any tips for fisher-women out there? Leave a comment below!

Also, let me know if there are any other Girly Guide ideas I could post about!

Thanks for reading & check back again to see what KatieDidd, xo

Cool For The Summer: Mens Edition | Fashion

I love this time of year- bikinis, flip flops, tank tops, booty shorts- less clothes less problems! Except, Monday always comes which means back to work. It can be so hard to balance summer fashion and work appropriate clothing choices. 

Worry not, my friends! I'm here, in collaboration with Tommy John to share with you my tips and tricks when dressing for the office during summer time. Tommy John is a menswear company that specializes in comfortable and casual basics without compromising quality. The website offers a great feature where you are able to shop by fabric! This is so helpful when choosing lighter, more breathable fabrics for summer outfits. 

The 'cool fabric' line from Tommy John is perfect for this time of year! It's designed to keep you cool and sweat free for the summer! The line offers a great selection of socks, undershirts and underwear that will help to keep you cool in a stuffy office. 

This starter kit is a great place to begin building an outfit. 

Working with this, I'd start with a simple white button down shirt with sleeves that have the ability to be rolled up. White is a great option on hot days because even if you sweat you don't have to worry about soggy under arm stains. Button downs are available in all sorts of fabrics, but I'd recommend going with a light, breathable cotton. 

Wearing a suit is mandatory for a lot of people who work in an office. Again I'd recommend cotton. A lot of suit designers offer summer suits which are lighter and more breathable. The jacket is great in the morning when it's still a little bit chilly, but easy to take off in the heat of the afternoon.

If a suit isn't mandatory in your office space, khakis are a great option. The light colour won't attract any sunlight through the windows, making you unnecessarily warm. They're also an easy transition into the evening, after work. If you remove the tie and undo the top buttons on the shirt, this outfit goes from office wear to dinner date in a flash!

Again, make sure you're wearing a cool fabric undershirt from Tommy John! It will help to keep you cool and sweat free all day!

Even though Tommy John is a menswear line, don't think I forgot about the ladies! Check back on Friday for the ladies edition to this work wear post!

Thanks for reading & check back again to see what KatieDidd, xo

*This post is in collaboration with Tommy John. It is not sponsored. All opinions are exclusively my own*f