Tuesday, 14 February 2017

22.

"I don't know about you but I'm feeling twenty-two"- Taylor Swift
I really thought by twenty-two I'd have my shit together, ya know?

When I took the mandatory civic/career class in tenth grade, our teacher made us do this silly exercise of writing a letter to our future, twenty-two year old selves. The idea behind it is that if we entered a four year university undergraduate, by twenty-two we should be graduating. 

You best believe I kept this silly letter. 

Here we go.

"Dear future Katelyn,
Twenty two will be a big year for you. Graduating with your undergrad in psych from Algoma will be HUGE! Congrats future me. After graduation I'm sure *insert douchey ex-bfs name here* will be planning to propose. Don't freak out, just say yes. 
The two of you will move to Ottawa together while you do your masters of psych. Of course Courtney will be only 3 hours away in Toronto studying musical theatre which will be perfect for weekend visits! 
Twenty-two will bring you new adventures with old people- the best combination for happiness and love! You'll do great, just be fearless.
Xo, Katelyn at 16
Ps. Don't ever get fat, stay healthy."

1. Douchey ex-bf and I broke up before I even graduated high school.
2. Courtney developed brain cancer and passed away in June of 2013. 
3. I didn't graduate my undergrad.
4. I am no where close to where I wanted to be.

It would be so easy for me to look at that letter and feel like my life is a joke. I have truly accomplished nothing that I hoped to. 

Turns out God had a better plan for me than I had for myself. 
At the moment, I am on my third (and hopefully final) college program. I really love the business program and I can certainly foresee a career for myself in the business world. 
I already lived in Ottawa and it was an amazing and terrifying and beautiful experience. I met some people in Ottawa that I'm sure will be a fixture in my life long into the future. The memories I made in Ottawa are some of my favourite. I loved learning photography, but more so I loved learning that I can do anything on my own. I can budget, cook, clean, grocery shop, pay bills, fix leaky taps, change light bulbs... I can live on my own. Knowing that you don't need anyone lets you cherish the people in your life so much more. Once you learn that you don't need anyone, you realize that the people in your life are there because you want them.
Obviously my ex and I aren't together, but I have a man who loves me. He is kind and gentle and handsome (and way too good for me). It's still new- only a few months -but it's good. He is good.

I miss Courtney every single day.

My life isn't what I wanted but it's even better. I am happy. Really, truly, and honestly happy. I'm looking forward to this next year. Bring it on twenty-two!